I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize