my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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