it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
if only i could text you this smell
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Boobs are out for the taking
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize