I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
