Pants 0. Shit 1.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
