using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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