I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
