Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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