you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
