I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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