She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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