Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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