Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
