If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
