i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
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