Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
