Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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