The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
