I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
