So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
