I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
