I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize