grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
