im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
