is wine microwaveable?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize