I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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