Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Randomize
