You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
