My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
