I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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