I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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