please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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