Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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