Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Randomize
