i just wanna soil my oats bro
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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