the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
