I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
