I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
