i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
