you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
