Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
