There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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