We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My dick has a subreddit
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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