I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
