i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
