It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Randomize