he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
