It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
