she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i came on her dog
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
