if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
