I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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