I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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