I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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