I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
