apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
