he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
