You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
