She's JV to your varsity
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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