Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
