twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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