I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
