I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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