Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize